It felt like something just wouldn't let me go and it was draining every bit of me, changing me into an ugly person. I did tell this friend to take time to repay the loan but another part of me was so angry that no effort was made at all after such a long time!

I felt that it was so unjust, and my prayers centred on asking God to help me get the money back. One day, I just couldn't take it anymore so I prayed, "Lord, if You want me to ask this person for the money, you will send someone to talk to me about it on the very next day without me initiating the conversation." The next day ended without anyone talking to me about it. Then the very next day, Rev Henson came and talked to me about it, asking me to consider cancelling the debt and to forgive this friend. At that very instant, I knew it is what God wanted me to do. I really struggled when I drafted the email to this friend. A part of me was thinking: Why should I give up my hard earn money? Another part of me knew that this had been going on for too long and it had to stop.

We keep hearing testimonies that when we release something, there will be a sense of peace. For me, it was not like that. I worried even for that small sum of money. Not that I needed the money to survive but just felt it would help if I had it back still. And making it even more challenging, this person did not respond to my email until I checked.

However, I knew that God would honour the action and hence decided not to think about it. With that decision, and God's help, there was a release in the spiritual. My focus changed, I didn't think about it anymore and He made it easier. The joy came back (like a part of me had returned) and God had helped me to love and be concerned for this person's spiritual walk and life.

Whatever I had to forego, God blessed me with double and I believe more is coming. And I truly learned to trust God for provision. Recently, someone blessed me with a sum of money for me to get a computer. Now, I am saving up for the rest.

This whole experience has also helped me release other issues in life. I understand that as long as we hold on to things more dearly than God, it becomes a poison. It feeds on the very joy that God can give until there is no more joy and all that is left is unforgiveness and sadness. It will stop one from feeling and receiving God's love. It will stop one from loving another as yourself. It will rob a big part of you. But once I release what I hold dear and focus on God, all will be restored. Restoration might take time ... no one says it is going to be easy ... but the assurance is that God is always there, His promises and His goodness. We just have to focus on God.